I love shopping online. And I know you do too. No hassles from pesky sales people, no waiting in line and definitely no driving anywhere to get stuff. Having packages waiting for you when you get home is like Christmas but on your terms. Ahh…e-consumerism. Drink it up!

Shipping is the plasma in what accounts for 1/3 of our blood-letting economy. We mostly depend on UPS and FedEx to get the stuff from our favorite e-shops like Threadless, Peapod and ebay. Since I do most of my stuff online, I’m thankful for all of the delivery guys and girls. Thanks “Brown.” Thanks “Fed Exy” and thanks to the Postal.

But…

If you’ve ever used a claim receipt to pick up a package from the FedEx Ground facility, you may as well bring a can of mace with you. The process is as arduous as airline security but with your shoes on.  Hang on…I would say it’s actually inhuman. In fact, it’s canine.

The other day I found myself walking in to a fenced guard shack (or doghouse) and dealing with a baton-armed security officer. He promptly, and in an authoritative command voice, instructed me to empty my pockets into a bowl on the counter and sign in. I really can’t stand untrained people using the command voice especially when they’re a rent-a-cop or in middle management. You just end up sounding like a retarded Dr. Phil. 

But before I did as I was instructed, I raised my eyebrow, glanced down at a dog bowl and kindly put the phone, comb, change and keys on the counter next to the bowl. As it turns out, said bowl was actually a DOG BOWL.

Are you kidding me! A simple wicker basket would have been civil and convenient. Since when did FedEx go from pragmatism to barbarism? I fully understand the security concerns. I just won’t tolerate FedEx’s security policy. Who the hell came up with the dog bowl idea, anyway? Middle management? I’m guessing that’s who. I’m a customer not a schnauzer.

I’m FedUp with FedEx now and luckily this policy only applies to FedEx ground packages. Regular Ex is fine. At least I don’t have to do any tricks or rollover at UPS and the post office.

Tags: dog bowl, Fed Ex, Fed Ex Ground, Fed UP, middle management, UPS, USPS

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm and is filed under Consumer Products, Internet Marketing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.